this morning I saw a firetruck & I heard the sirens as they overpowered the day. & I thought they should be even louder. somewhere somebody's life was changing forever & the moment that I took my time was more urgent than I could understand. & I found a million dollar bill in a parking lot floating like garbage bags & it looked so awfully lonely. the alarm sounds faded slow & I understand it was my ear just playing tricks, but it sounded like someone screaming "no".
& while you're learning about yourself, I'll be burning on this old shelf of bleached garbage reefs & flaming congestion.
I had a strange talk with a man whose diesel tank I was filling up. he told me that he could see the end as I leaned on his truck, just by looking at the way all the people had turned into customers & enemies for me to fight with, not help.
"shouldn't you be doing each other a favour & a service. you get your pay & they get their product. instead you defend something not in your interest. this gas station uniform & the right to compete with a price."
& then he apologized on our parents behalf for leaving us with planet earth.
when I realized what the date actually was I found myself aged eighteen years feeling nostalgic for a happiness that I had never really felt. like sitting in a room full of strangers & being content.
until I decide to start living you can keep my bones. I have a really good feeling you're the only one knows how to love someone. & I know how to burn a bridge.
but I'd rather be swimming in an ocean off the coast of the florida keys. & have you ever thought of the future? I have & it is so scary. this might be the last time I'm taken seriously, because a few of us here are lying & what if I'm one of them?
I'd rather be holding hands with someone that cares for me & I'd rather be making friends than faking it for a trend. & I'd rather be moving away from kitchener & guelph than continue living as a ghost, brooding as I am.