winter (split w/ dylan taylor)

by fairy boy

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split concept album with dylan taylor about adjusting to the cold in new cities. released in spring 2008 before a month long USA tour.


released May 1, 2008

recorded in elly's room at the woozley farm from winter 2007 - 2008. mikaela, brian, chai, birdee & amber sang. elly played guitar, bass, trash percussion, keyboards, harmonica & sang.
release by north of no south. at least 3 artwork variations are in existence.
art by elly.



all rights reserved


the official suckers Halifax, Nova Scotia

drowning in dysphoria & dreams of maps & a different body.
grew up in a closet, left home, nearly died, settled in halifax & slowly came to terms with gender, sexuality & associated shame throughout the course of these songs.
thank you for your support.
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Track Name: bored is safe
I'm not afraid of all the things I used to be like jellyfish & squid tentacles & ghosts in the air because I am only half here. still wishing for skin to return to my feet & cover up these old crumbling bones. didn't we sit above this same way a few years ago, then terrified because of our own thoughts? now what scares me most is the name of that province & people drinking alcohol. & every rain cloud that is determined to trap me & laugh. ghosts melt in the rain & then struggle with sewer drains.
I don't believe the current will take me too far & if it does I won't be growing too old because I'll fall sleep while I'm swimming or be petrified in a bog, discovered years later completely eroded except for a heart made of mud.
& if you want I'll inhabit the archipelago of scabs on your leg.
Track Name: an apple a day
you have been living in my life for far too long. you know all the news & still my words are read wrong. now each new person I meet replaces an old friend that I didn't care to know. it's hard for me to admit nothing changed me at all.
at night I look at the sky, the clouds look just like ice covered arctic islands. seems like I'm in outer space staring down on the northwest passage. I'm not exploring the cold here without someone to explain their life & their very first memory. I've never been as old as you.
now they all know where I live, in a house that isn't mine. eventually I'll realize there's nothing different here to find. you don't want to be here when I go because I'm not so nice, when I die it won't be an accident like him. & you don't really want to know what happens to people when they die, they just rot in the ground & people forget them.
Track Name: drunken dumbshow
if I could be anything, I wouldn't stay a human. I'm ashamed of who I am a lot of the time. I scare myself into thinking I'm doing terrible things. some bad dreams make it seem I'm capable of murder.
if I could be anything, I'd be a marine iguana on genovesa.
sleeping on rocks near the cold sea & diving in for algae, but eating algae supplements is the closest I can get.
on north street I stood thinking, or wondering where I was. I thought about my friends in hell, who are selfishly in mourning. & maybe I should have stayed & pretended to still be in love. the front steps creak with weight & tonight was the first snow of the year.
I wish I had grey hair, so I looked more like you & less like the rejects & drug addicts that I thought were my friends.
Track Name: scared ghosts
everyone here terrifies me. we can stay up drinking wine & wait till the mice come out. everything here is terrifying. we can sleep silently & listen to the sounds that our stomachs make when we don't eat.
if I had one eye, I think I'd be beautiful & not just an example of coming of age & not feeling liberated.
show me something that you love & haven't shown anyone else. I think the dead still have bad dreams & are haunted by the living.
minus ten degrees, half an inch of snow on your eyelash. stupid stapled telephone poles. I'd hold your hand till I couldn't feel my thumb in my thin magic gloves. if you tilt your neck a little like this it's almost impossible to see dartmouth & imagination can create a better view, for you.
ugly harbour - I want to be loved. it gets colder each day I wake up. touching your hair makes me feel safe. I can't help it that I am afraid.
there is a ship & it's sailing with skeletons, or it's a rowboat with your best friends & I don't know where I am.
can we bury my broken spirit in your yard? & maybe leave yours in a park beside a sandbox for some children to find. they'll have a another dead toy with no life in it's eyes. I'm willing to dig us a hole & put in a box of things we knew but never believed, if you have as many things that you want to forget as me.
write your letters on the white lines down robie street, or in the snowbanks. sit on tall rocks with a stranger, dangling feet & breathing cold air. set up hammocks in between trees or big machines in construction sites. stare at someone in a kitchen, feeling absurd & embarrassed. learn a new word & it's meaning then try to use it when you speak.
know that you're safe. share your secrets. stay in one place long enough to love it.
Track Name: bottomless cartons of milk
the ferry has passed me three times. a cruise ship has disappeared too. each time I am here, I wonder what will I end up being? my body looks violent when I am standing naked. I'm ugly & capable of the worst things possible.
when will I be able to start living out my dreams? everyone that is alive right now could teach me a hundred things. till I can love me I'll have to keep my books up on a shelf but the worst choice you can make is giving up on yourself. when will I be able to draw an accurate map of all the rest of the world between the bones in your back? please body don't let me die at least till I'm twenty three. I have a lot new starts & places I need to leave.